The above video is my current mood, because I want to slap a nigga.
I believe Dre and I told these niggas to miss us with the stupid shit on these hookup sites. Apparently, these mutha fuckas don't seem to get the mutha fuckin' point. Fucking jumpoffs have the fucking audacity to call me pet names that only a boyfriend or a girlfriend should be using. Bitch ass nigga, I am not your fucking baby or your sweetie or shit like that. This dude had the fucking audacity to make his opening message "Hey sweetie." Like that shit is supposed to impress me or make you more than a jumpoff. To be more than a jump off with me, you have to fuckin' impress a nigga enough to the point that it'll make me not delete your number from my phone after getting my nut off.
Next problem, these dudes on these hookup sites trying to give me the walking dead and assorted shit I didn't come to the party with, both my age, close to it, and these old fucks. Understand I have nothing against anyone HIV+, but I love myself too much and there is no amount of protection that will ever convince me to have sex with these people or do anything that'll put me at risk of catching any STD. Because there's no absolute defense outside of abstinence and I'm a bit late for taking a vow refraining from sex. There was this guy who looked as old as he was. He was like 52 or some shit and he's poz, but the killer is that he sends me a message that said "Make me your bitch and have your way with me" when my profile clearly states I only fuck people who can prove a recent clean bill of health. So, no. You're old, trifling and you're positive, so no thanks. Then there's this interracial couple who like threesomes and they're just... gross. Ugh, can you fuckwads not read? If I want a jump off, I need for him to test negative for any disease, especially that walking dead. Come on, now, especially black men- know your fucking status and get tested.
Then of course, there's the old guys old enough to be either my dad or my grandpa. Like Dre, I get these guys too but worse. There's this guy about 50 with a picture of his ass (which looked like 10 pounds of spoiled chocolate milk in a five pound bag) who hounds me about meeting up but can't seem to take a fucking hint. I ignored you for a reason: you're disgusting, now get the fuck off of my profile. Let's understand something: with me, ten years in either direction is too big an age difference. Even if I were 28, an 18 year old would still be too young for me. 36 isn't old, but another guy sends me a message on Valentine's Day asking me if I wanna come over, light up, and get it in. 48 is definitely too old for me, and this guy from Nebraska asks me if I'd like to host some fun.
Pause. Who in the silver satanic fuck told your wrinkled ass it was okay to ask me some shit like that? Why in the fuck would I bring this bitch to the place I lay my head, especially when he's from out of town? That's asking for all kinds of shit to happen.
Anyway, I just need these fuckwads to stay the far the fuck away from me.
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