So You Like to Have Your cake and eat it too?

This shit irks the fuck out of me. I don't like people that want to act single but have all the perks of a relationship. You want someone to give you that title of boyfriend or girlfriend but you want to do everything a single hoe does. You want to screw who you want when you want, come home when you want, only call when you want something. Yet, if you call, the other person better damn answer or call back immediately. if they don't answer, you askin questions about where they were and what they were doing like they don't have a job or a life outside yo' bitch ass. I got a few situations on this one so bear with me. Might get a bit long

So first we have this dilweed that wants the perks of getting with me, or should I say being with me. Wants to be boyfriend. Wants sex when he bothers to take the time to give it. However, he also wants to live separately, fuck other people, deny he's fucking other people despite the mountain of evidence that he's lying, only come here once a week, come by a second time one week to shut me the fuck up, then block a nigga when he gets caught. Really bitch? Please kill yourself for being so fucking innately stupid. Not only do I know you have another one, i know you live with him. I know you blocked me from your phone because of him. I also know you used my government name, not one of my nicknames, to leave me unblocked from facebook and your email. You're trying to let the heat die down, then sneak back around. Not about to happen. I'm a one and only type of dude. I don't share.

Next, we have a set of brothers. First brother has been an open queer all his life. Flamboyantly gay. Drag queen. Somehow, a bitch got his dick hard once so he tries straight life. hey, no problem. Do you......except you're still fucking all kinds of men on the side. Like no one knows this. Maybe she's dumb but i'm not. I know who you're doing, mostly because they're the same ones as before her. This bothers me solely because it's wrong. Then you want to sing the praises of god all over facebook. Bitch get real. You're cheating on your wife. Even if it's a man doing you, it's still adultery you dumbass.

Then there's the other brother. This is a slightly more obvious hoe. Messes around on his wife with females blatantly. Everyone knows it. What they don't know is he's a closet case too. He has an attraction to at least one man, but that one he can't act on. Doesn't excuse all the other hoes he flaunts in front of his wife. If you don't want the bitch, tell her so. Don't string her along. That's cruel and unusual punishment.

All three of these make me sick. They're playing games. This type of fuckery provokes violent urges. If you want all the perks of being single, be fucking single. If you want a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/man/woman, then get one and give them what they deserve from you. Keep that hoe ass fuckery to yourself bitch

Young Folks with the eternal monkey on their back, Fujin Edition

So, I was reading Dre's post about these younger males, especially young black guys with HIV and it really makes me sad and I'm not saying that to be an asshole- this shit really does break my heart. I'm gonna keep this one short and simple. First, know your shit and get tested.

Now, I don't have the time in the sack that Dre has racked up according to his post, but I know what I will and will not do when it comes to sex. Also, I know anything can happen at any time and it always helps to be prepared, so I walk around with condoms and lube in my bookbag and I switch them out regularly so I don't have bad ones should I end up with a good day when I'm out in the street. I also keep protection in a condom case as well.

Next, I don't trust no-motherfuckin'-body, so there is no amount of money in the United States Treasury that you can pay me that will get me to stick my dick in someone without any sort of protection, especially if we ain't married or I don't know your ass. You askin' for trouble on so many ends if you take the risk of going in or taking it raw.

And to correct Dre, in Missouri, criminal transmission of HIV gets you the same sentence as a murder charge: life imprisonment.

In short, I know these people who contracted this fatal disease or any STD had no intention of catching it but this fuckery can be nipped in the bud by choosing your sexual partners wisely, especially if you're meeting older guys from hookup sites.

Young Folks with the eternal monkey on their back

OK, so I'm seeing a rise in very young people, especially males, with HIV. What the fuck is really going on? If you're 18, just out of high school or perhaps still in high school in your senior year, what the hell are you doing with such a permanent disease? What the hell are you doing that you get caught with this?

Living the lifestyle I live, I understand I'm at a higher risk and perhaps its the fact that i'm well over a decade and a half into this sex and relationships thing that makes me so cautious. Or maybe it's the fact that I just fucking love myself. My body is sacred to me. While I may be active, I'm careful about it. I don't do the raw dog thing, especially not with someone I don't know. When I talk to these young ones, it's always a similar story. They met an older guy and let him talk them into raw sex. What's worse, in the case of an ex of mine, he knew these people had HIV and still let them go raw.

Pause. Bitch, what the fuck is wrong with you? Now, I'm not saying discriminate against HIV+ people or automatically turn them away. They're human, and many catch this by accident. I'd say most don't intend to end up with it. But why the blue fuck would you not protect yourself when having sex with them. Did you just want a slow death or something? And considering most of these young ones do not have any form of health insurance if they're not still on their parents' insurance, it is highly unlikely that they're able to take their meds. In the case of my ex, this jackass is 28 and can't really keep a job. I know full fucking well he's not able to afford his. We all know what HIV turns into. And I know how he came to be infected. He had at least three scares while we were friends, and each time, it was for the same reason. He got really into some guy he didn't know nearly well enough but knew they had HIV but decided it was ok to ride that dick raw. So finally he got it and I can't help but feel like he wanted to catch it.

What kind of fuckery is that? If you want to die, do it the old fashioned way. But don't give yourself a slow death moron. That's just torture for anyone that still gives a crap if you live or die. In his case, I don't give two flying fucks anymore because karma's a bitch to those that put bitchassness out there. But it's really sad to see all these teenagers with it when life is just starting. And they're young so they don't realize that the person infecting them, the ones that don't tell them what they have can technically be charged with attempted murder. Something should really be done about this sudden rise among younger men though.

Ex has that monkey on his back

So yesterday I found something amusing. The ex who I was involved with the longest and is possibly my reasoning for having such a fucked up, jaded view on love, has that monkey on his back that he can't get rid of. Most of you may say I'm going to hell for this, but I found the shit hilarious.

Before you go getting all judgmental on me, I'm not saying this because of the crap we went through. We were an on again off again couple because I apparently had a large case of stupid for five and a half years. During our off again points, he made very stupid choices. He had at least two HIV scares that he told me about.

Pause. Understand, I don't discriminate against HIV people, but ain't neither of us going bareback if I know you have it. We wrapping that shit up completely and utterly. Thanks, but I enjoy living.

Back to the story, so this fuckwad always let these guys go in bareback knowing that they had this disease. A disease, by the way, that killed his father while he was about 12 years old. He always says he misses his father and has made several attempts to kill himself. Didn't think he'd elect to really go this route originally, but then again, I shouldn't be surprised.

Sad part, he's on dating sites. Sure, it states clearly that he's positive, but damn.

Pause. I also gave this idiot 32 suggestions on ways to successfully kill himself. I believe this was one of them. Took the bitch four years to take my advice.

Seriously, though. I need people to actually give a fuck about themselves and their bodies. We only get one body in this life. You don't necessarily have to exclude these people. Hell, they need love like no one else. But don't kill yourself in the process. And if you know someone who's died from the disease, why would you take this risk? Would your loved one really want you to die the same way they did? I don't really get it, but seriously, you get what you put out there. If in this great world of fuckery the one thing you desire is to catch that aids, you will.

Lame niggas and what makes them lame as fuck

I'm sure you know some, been around a few, or you are one. If you are one, please swerve. These are the people you'd like to see give up their fucking life force simply because they're blithering morons. I can't stand a bitch-made lame nigga. Fucked up part is that I know at least two to four of these ingrates in my so-called "family," one of which is in his forties and the other which is pushing forty. So, to clear this whole thing up, I'll be using examples of the fuckery they bring.

•  My uncle is the perfect embodiment of a what a lame is. This selfish bitch-ass nigga is pushing 45, has been out of prison after serving nearly 90% of his sentence since 2004, but yet he still cannot seem to get his fuckin' shit together. Seriously, the only things on this fuckwad's mind are where he can find some weed, can you buy him a fifth, and how much of his food stamps are you willing to buy so he can keep his phone on. 

• Mind you, he has a whole six year old son he only has to pay one buck (yes, you read that correctly- four quarters) in child support for to his ratchet-ass basic bitch of a baby mama and he can't even do that. That's only ten dimes your ass has to scrape up every month, do you know how fuckin' fortunate you are in comparison to these other bum-ass niggas not taking care of their kids? My grandmama buys this little dude Christmas gifts, school clothes, church clothes, Easter outfits, school supplies but not one damn thing I listed has ever come from this bitch boy since the kid was born. Nigga didn't even show up to the baby shower and was nowhere to be found 'cause he keeps his ass in and outta jail over the dumbest of fucking warrants. Who went both times? Yup, gram and yours truly because well, the kid needs some sorta positive male influence in his life so he doesn't end up like his punk-ass daddy before he hits fifth grade. That's only the tip of the iceberg with this bitch: this thieving-ass nigga gives zero fucks about who he does wrong, as long as he gets something out of it since his only goal in life is for a woman to take care of his sorry ass since his soul mate got her big ass smart, moved on, got married, and ain't looked back since. I'm almost sorry I hooked 'em up. Must be the weather.
• And talk about a whole bitch-type. Ho ass nigga steals from everyone he shacks up with and gets butthurt when confronted about it, knowing full well his ass in in the wrong.

 Now that brings me to this other lame.

•  My cousin, and I'll just refer to this buster as Elmo the Emo Bitch since he complains about everything 24/7/365 and needs to hurry up and slit his goddamn wrists. This is an example of a fuck nigga who projects his fuck nigganess (sue me, I know it ain't a word) onto other fuck niggas. Only thing he has on my uncle is that he's trying to get his shit together but still acts like a whole bitch. Now seven years ago, this bitch comes fresh out of a California prison. Prior to then, I don't really know much about the fuck or remember shit about him other than he came and got me from some old lady's house when I was four or five and brought me home. Now I'm getting off track, so let's resume. 
• This emo nigga fucked his own life up, but with him, it's not his fault. He's the victim. It's everyone else that's wrong if you let this sumbitch tell it. Bitch can't get along with hardly nobody in this so-called family, that's his fucking problem. How in the actual green fuck is a relationship with one's own mother bipolar? Ugh, maybe I won't ask but moving on. This prick has the most blatant case of an Oedipus complex. It's so obvious yet no one except me will come out and say it because if I didn't know any better, everyone in this family except for a few act like they're terrified of him. Why, you ask? 
• Okay, about six years ago, this fuckwit got butthurt over something or another and decides it'd be a good idea to go simulate Yahweh talking to Moses while everyone's sleeping. In short, he goes and burns a bush belonging to one of my aunties at their house late at night. Fortunately, someone saw him and he served a bit of time over that then moves to another state to find work.
• Around 2008-2009, he brings his monkey ass back, convinced that mommy's behind the dismantling of his life. Boo-fucking-hoo, who gives a shit? Fuckwad can't get along with anyone he stays with, yet he's convinced it's not his fault. Stayed with my mom and he got outta line, so one of my bio bros pulls a gun on him. If you asked me, nigga should've pulled the trigger. Would've done the emo bitch a favor if he had killed him. Can't even get along with his own brother, who he almost cost his job 'cause he kept coming back late with his car and offending his wife. But of course, it's 'cause they can't handle his charming personality.
• You know that list of people this dickwad can't get along with? Obviously, you can add me to that list of people this bastard likes to antagonize. Frankly, he swears up and down his label as a "bully" is false when I've experienced the shit first-fucking-hand. Bullies are also lames, so thank you, emo biatch, for further marking yourself as a lame-ass nigga. Of course, he's had to learn a few times not to fuck with me the hard way, because I can get personal. I mean, make-a-nigga-hate-me-for-all-eternity personal.

There's other breeds of lame-ass fuck niggas, but these two and their fuckery came to mind on this one. The irony about these two is that one calls the other a bitch when they're both pussies. Yeah, 'cause only a real nigga would either steal from your own mother or cuss her out like a petulant child when you don't get your way. It's sad as fuck that niggas such as these continue to breathe my oxygen and I'm gonna sign off with telling you niggas that hit rock bottom not to stay there, but to climb and scrape your ass back to the top. If you got responsibilities, be a man and step your lame ass up. Otherwise, stand aside for real motherfuckers.

Bullshit Family Members

It's a video blog, partially to experiment, and mostly because I don't fucking feel like typing. Watch it, comment here on youtube, wherever. By the way, got a youtube channel just for this shit now.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCFZ1PTa1CUOU-rKPdmNJltg

50 feet nigga, damn part 2

Ok to continue on fuijin's post, these dudes are getting absurd. I cannot express this enough. If I don't know you and ain't with you pet names should not be used. So I had one riding my nuts talking about he wanted to get to know me and then he asks if I want friendship or a hookup. Now I'm all for a jump off so let's get it. But he riding my dick way too hard. Nagging the shit outta me. Then this nimrod says he doesn't have a place and we can do it in my car at the park.

Pause. Nigga what? Who in the fuck is about to do that? Understand I have my own but I'm not about to bring him there. He's a jumpoff who had the audacity to call me baby. The fuckery in that is beyond belief when I just started talking to this idiot. So no, I'm not about to bring this bitch to my home. Who the fuck invites potential stalkers to their place of residence? Not I.

Now, this dude has been on my nuts for two days. Seriously, nigga, take a hint and shut the fuck up. Leave me alone. You had my google talk number and now you get the disconnect recording. It's google talk, fuckwad. Those numbers don't get disconnected. I blocked you, numbnuts. Now stop trying to reach me.

Then there's this other problem. Dudes old enough to be my father or grandfather.

Pause. Why in the actual blue fuck are you on any kind of dating or hookup site if you're over 40? You are literally someone's grandfather. Sometimes people just put 69 for their age as a bit of a joke, but they're really in their 20s. No, I ran across one who was literally 69 years old. The fuckery squared. Who in the fuck told your old ass it was ok to be on a hookup site? And in a fucking cowboy hat and leather chaps? Ugh, my eyes. Take your old ass on somewhere.

Another one was like 46 or some shit like that. He looked about that age and he was ugly, and wants to hound me to open my private pics. Now, understand these pics are really just my face. I'm not showing the goods because it's not necessary. but this mutha fucka sent me like three messages talking about open my pics. Uh, no, I ignored you for a reason. You're old and ugly.

I can go on and on but I need these old fucks to understand, I fuck people my age. You know, people I don't expect to die of a heart attack three seconds after we're done.

I need young fucks not to lie. You say you're looking for friendship and LTR, but in reality, you want dick and ass just like everyone else. Be real. Oh, and stop fucking calling yourselves thick. I can see man titties, fat ass. That means you're fucking fat. Thick is a term that needs to stop being used cuz you fatty fat fat fuckers just keep abusing it. You're not thick. You are fat. Matter of fact, most of you are beyond fat. You're gargantuan. Enormous. fatty fatty 2x4 can't fit through the kitchen door. Get it. You're fat. Man titties so big your fat ass would be in a D cup in bras. The fuck? Get yo fat ass off my goddamn page. 

Oh, and niggas talking about you're straight on a gay site, please kill yourself. You're gay or bisexual, you simpleton fuck. It's really that simple. I'm not saying you can't like both, but you cannot use the term straight but be on a gay site. Also, to the morons that say you on there to find someone to light up with and match, kill yourselves twice. What the fuck are you looking for that on a gay sight for? Oh, cuz you want dick and ass, just like everyone else on the damn site. You stupid cumbucket. 

In closing, please miss us with the dumb shit on what is really a hookup site dumb ass. And learn your fucking role. If i bother to speak to you on such a site, you are never to be more than a jump off. you useless fuckwad

50 feet, nigga, damn. (Part 1)

If you read the end of the title, you'll know this is a two part blog because Dre has his own piece to speak when he finds the time. My case, in recent days, is the fuckery of people who think they're in a relationship with you when you start talking to their ass and you find one another interesting. I know some of y'all feel me on this. I can understand conversing about sex, but I'm talking about the folks who act like they own your ass and ain't even met you if you're using dating sites or texting. Call themselves checkin' you, be asking you all kind of fucking questions that a boyfriend or girlfriend would ask and callin' you pet names and shit. Once again, I know you motherfuckers feel me on these bitches that try to put pressure on your ass to get with them. These are the type of people who put up red flags with my ass. I'm gonna warn you now, I've been speaking more Spanish in the last two or three days than I have in nearly eight years worth of classes, so I might trail off from English a couple of times.

Example: this dude on a4a (Adam4Adam) messaged me complimenting my pictures and shows me his. We talk for a bit and then this dude starts pouring it on, asking for my number and wanting to meet me and shit. Now, thankfully, I use apps that allow me to call people and send texts via an internet connection (that started when I wasn't texting through my default service) whenever I don't feel comfortable giving out my number unless I know people for sure. I explained that to the guy when he got bent outta shape about that, but he rolled with it. Now I'm gonna say this and mean it, but I am not the average brother: I do not like to be on the phone, period, which is why I accumulate between 4 and 25 missed calls on average bi-weekly. I can go without my phone for days on end. So, this guy starts askin' why I haven't been hittin' him up. One: bitch, I got better things to do and better niggas to be talkin' to. Two, no eres especial; you are not special enough to warrant interruption of any form of my entertainment. So it's pretty obvious how thirsty the guy is with the way he's riding my balls. Creo que este hombre es muy deseparado para un novio. One that he thinks he can control anyway: you got me fucked all the way up, homie. Not just that, he raised a fuckin' red flag with me with a PM he sent me on a4a late last night when I checked this morning. He says he wants to connect with me and then asks if I want to continue bein' with people who don't care about me, implying that he's the only hijo de puta in the entire world that gives a fuck about me. One thing I can't stand is people trying to play on people's securities, because that's how abusive relationships begin and I will never be a doormat for any nigga unless his ass wants to end up riding in an ambulance with multiple skull fractures. I don't play that shit. Moving on, I guess when I told him that while I would meet him but I wasn't willin' to jump into anything, he got in his feelings and didn't respond. Another thing: calling me baby, even in Spanish, can and will not fly with me.

So, to all y'all people out there desperate for a relationship, take the shit slowly. Stop and enjoy the journey. If you gotta manipulate someone, you can go fuck yourself with a pogo stick and a fat bitch jumping on it.

People going back to cheaters

Ok, I'm gonna try to keep this short. But I'm really sick of the fuckery of a female friend telling me about some dumb shit their boyfriend did that is cheating, plain and simple, and then they want to contemplate whether to stay or not.

Example. Friend of mine tells me her dude cheated on her a while back and the chick may be pregnant. Wait, stay with me now. That's not the fuckery this time. Ok, he then tells her he doesn't know if its his or not because the bitch was ratchet.

Pause. Let me get this straight. You cheated on your real woman for a ratchet ass bitch that's fucking multiple dudes. Not only this, but you went raw in the ratchet bitch? Oh the fuckery.

Look, dudes, even if you're single, if you fuck a ratchet bitch, use a fucking rubber. It takes like two seconds to slide that bitch on. You do not want to impregnate the ratchet. Do you want to be stuck dealing with this ratchet ass hoe for the next 18 years? Didn't think so.

Back to the story, so she's asking my advice on what she should do. Hmm, let me think......drop this cheating fuck and find someone who values you and doesn't cheat for the petty shit like he felt like you treat him different or you have an  attitude or you didn't suck his dick right or whatever petty ass reason. This should be a no brainer.

Ok, fellas, you want your side of this issue too. Sometimes women do the same dumb shit we do. Guess what, my advice is the same. You're a real dude making your way in the world and doing your best by this bitch and she cheats on you for some punk ass reason like you don't spend enough time with her, you're too busy, blah blah blah. Fuck that hoe. Not literally, of course, but drop that bitch like she's a piece of hot coal burning your hand. It's simple, once a cheater always a cheater

Too little, too late.

This is how a conversation with a unfaithful ex that gets into contact with you might go:

Ex: How are you?

You: Good. Just living.

And of course, I guess you talk about your lives and shit and how things have been going until...

Ex: I miss you, baby.

What the unholy satanic ritual fuck? You miss me? Now, odds are this hoe left you for someone else that was undesirable or cheated on you with someone of less quality than yourself but they miss you? Fuck outta here. Then it hits them...

Ex: You treated me right and cared for me.

Whereas Dre spoke about the fuckery that is "once mine, always mine" mentality regarding people who can't back it up, this is in that same field as that and cheaters. This  is more about the people who finally comes to terms with the fact that you were the best mutha fuckin thing they had going in their goddamn life and they went and fucked it up because they couldn't keep their clothes on or some other stupid-ass reason. This becomes fuckery to the n power when they are supposed to be in a relationship with someone else and for some reason, they find their way to you and figure it out too late that you were the one for their sorry ass.

But that person wasn't the one when your ass was plowing every hole or getting plowed by every dick possible that didn't belong to that person, right? So, why are they the one after the fact? Is it because you think about your ex whenever your current is putting it down or the shit they did for you that this person ain't doing? What is your major malfunction, bitch, and why in the actual fuck do you see fit to try to return to that person's arms? If you love that individual like you say you do, despite the fuckery you put them through, you would let them the fuck go and move on with your life. What's that, you can't let go? Oh, well, you're just full of shit and only going back to them because you know no one else would put up with you but unfortunately for you, that person was strong enough to leave your ratchet ass behind and not look back.

Examples? On this blog, you know we provide.

I've had some shit like that go on in my life. I've learned to let go and move on when the party's over, but there's just this one chica who just cannot seem to move on. Every blue moon she'll hit me up and tell me to text her or some other dumb shit so I'll humor the bitch whenever I'm in the mood for a laugh. What? Sometimes I can't be as nice as Dre and tell people to choke and all that good self-terminating shit. Her latest want: to tell me for I'm guessing the 8th or 9th time in the four years it's been since I left her cheating ass that she misses me and loves me. Like I said, I humor the bitch but I don't reciprocate shit. I ask her about her current boyfriend/father of her unborn child. She tells me not to worry about him and that while she loves him, she'll always love me. Bitch, what? I got a feeling it's because I was the first dick that put it down on her. What can I say? Some people fall in love with their first long after the mattress mambo is done.

My money's on him eventually finding out he ain't gonna be a first time daddy and she's looking for some poor sucker to give an 18 year sentence to 'cause she don't know who the kid's papi is. You looked in the wrong place, now go swan dive off the top of Mount Everest. This is how I feel about that: if you would talk to another man behind your lover's back, what makes you so sure I could trust you not to do the same to me if I were somewhat idiotic enough to fall for this? I got bored and took screencaps of today's game, but I shared one as an example.

Stupid Bitch Song for Stupid Bitch mentality

First off, I realize this song was the shit back in the day. All of the songs I put in this blog were the mutha fuckin shit. However, they were and still are stupid bitch songs and follow a stupid bitch mentality. Let's look at Mokenstef here.
He's Mine, you may have had him once but I got him all the time
Pause. Bitch really? So you're content to let your man be the hoe of the ages as long as you feel he's thinking about you, and as long as you get the label of girlfriend, wifey, wife, whatever. Bitch swerve.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge Whitney fan. But pay attention. She's singing about fucking a married man. She's in love with a married man but refuses to move on to someone who can actually be there for her because she loves him. So basically she takes the few little moments he gives her and makes due with them. The fuckery.

Again, this was my shit, but this is two stupid bitches arguing over a dude. He's fucking you both, but instead of turning on him, you turn on each other. Redeeming quality is the video, where they do as I just suggested, but the song is ultimately two stupid bitches arguing over a dude that fucks them both.

The way she sang this song was funny as shit. That opening note gets me every time. However, she is also a stupid bitch in this song. This is the same as the first song. She lists a whole bunch of shit that he doesn't do for the sideline but does for her. Examples being does he take you out, have you met his mom, have you met his kids? Bitch, did it occur to you that sidelines laugh at yo dumb ass cuz you got stuck with this ain't shit dude who may only be able to do one thing right, and that's fuck? Seriously, several sidelines are content with being sideline because they don't want that dude seriously. They just want his dick and then they want him to go the fuck back home.

These songs are a few examples. Clearly I could go on and on. But let me address the stupid bitch mentality behind all of these songs. See, women in particular allow themselves to be belittled in ways that make me question humanity. If you are a woman, a real woman, you should value yourself more than this. So for those of you trapped in this mentality, let's hit a few points shall we?

1. EVERY MAN DOES NOT CHEAT!!!!!!
I cannot stress this enough. To every, and I do mean every broad that says this shit, swerve off the road with no seatbelt on. I'm so serious. Let me make this clear. A real man will never cheat on his woman because he is a fucking man, not a boy. If everyone you fuck with cheats, it's because you date boys. Step your game up and date men.

2. BEING CHEATED ON DOES NOT GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO TRY TO STEAL MEN.
So, you think because several dudes cheated on you you should be allowed to be spiteful and try to break up marriages and shit? Bitch, swerve, again, because you are not a real woman if you choose this path. Sweetie, a woman is always a lady, except in the bedroom at which point she is a freak. If you been through this, why would you put another woman through it? You're petty, pathetic, and need to give your life.

3. IF THAT DUDE IS MARRIED HE IS NOT LEAVING HIS WIFE FOR YOUR HO ASS!
Bitch, you're the sideline. Learn yo' mutha fuckin' place. If you allow yourself to be used in this way, he will continue to do so. You will never be more than this. And if you do, there's another one like you that he'll fuck with after you. Dumbass.

4. DON'T GO AFTER THE OTHER WOMAN!
Why are you going after her for fuckin' yo' man unless she's close enough to you to know you? And even then, go after that nigga first. Fuck his shit up, then go for her if and only if she actually knows about you.

5. DON'T ASSUME HE LOVES YOU BECAUSE HE KEEPS COMING HOME TO YOU.
Bitch, you're just supplying the place for him to rest his head and get some food. And you're live in pussy. You're stupid enough to let him so hell yeah he's gonna come back. This does not mean you really have him all the time. This means you're the stupidest bitch he fucks with.

Seriously, if you agree with the message behind these songs, you have a stupid bitch mentality and really need to give your life because you make it hard for real men to find their true mates and for other women to believe that honesty exists in the male race. If you're reading this and rolling your eyes, bitch, you're the mutha fuckin problem in humanity and need to give your life immediately. If you're one of those dumb bitches in a relationship or married to a man cheating on your dumb ass or who has cheated in the past, and you're telling yourself I don't know what I'm talking about, bitch, i'm a grown ass man. And I fuck both sexes so miss me with that I fuck men shit. I think that makes me doubly qualified to tell you that you're a stupid bitch. If that male cheats and your stupid ass just lets it go, you're a stupid bitch and deserve the heartache you get. Grow up, find yourself and your self worth, and always remember what one man won't do another one will and will always show you that you're his queen. Remember that shit if you remember nothing else and stop the fuckery that is the he's mine mentality.

Lying about the reason you're leaving someone.

I think I posted about something close to this three posts ago but now I just wanna go all out about this. So, I chose We Can't Be Friends (If We Can't Be Lovers) - R.L feat. Deborah Cox (saw her at Pride St. Louis last year) as my current mood because a thought I never expected to occur in my mind actually occurred. So after Dre kindly tells me to "please get the fuck out" my feelings when I really wasn't in 'em... fuck that, this ain't even relevant so let's get it.

Okay, so someone tells you they're leavin' you, right? The fucked up part is, they won't tell you exactly why they're done with you so they give you some cool story. Well, this is tonight's fuckery I'm gonna speak on. The point of telling someone why you're dumping them is so they know what went wrong and what to look out for when they move on. They can't learn how not to fuck up on the next if you're not being one hundred percent fuckin' honest with them. If you give bullshit lines when dumping someone and you know yo' ass is fulla shit, you need to give yo' motherfuckin' life four times over.

For example, if the mutha fucka ignores you and doesn't give you the attention you want yet you tell him it's over because he has a fucking drinking problem (and you know damn well you drink along with his ass), bitch, you need to kill yourself. How in the satanic green fuck will he learn that it's not okay to spend more time playing Halo than with your pussy?

Fellas, this one's for you: if you tell your broad that you can't be with her because of some stupid-ass superficial reason when you know damn well it's because you know the ho sends more texts to a male "acquaintance" and spends more time with said acquaintance than with you, you should cut yourself down south and bleed out for not having the balls to confront that bitch and tell her you know she fuckin' that nigga she says is her friend and that he can have her ratchet ass.

If you can't be honest with why the relationship you're in is coming to an end, then you most likely will not be upfront the entire time in your next one. If the love isn't there anymore (it probably never was there), you feel more comfortable as friends (I've heard this more times than I care to and I know it's a damn lie), if the distance is too great, or some other factor and you feel like your relationship is a waste of time, it's your duty to step up and be real with your partner, even when the game is over. If you're not telling them the entire truth about why it has to end, that's the same as lying. In the end, if you can't, you're only proving that you ain't no fuckin' good.

Once Mine Always Mine

Let me have a talk with fellas. This mentality is prevalent among men that thing their sex game is just on point. There are way too many of you that let one bitch swell your head up. Allow me to break a couple things down for you dumb ass dudes that think this way.

First, if you actually say this, most likely it's not true. Never, ever assume your dick game is that damn good. At least 90% of you can't fuck. You can't make your partner come no matter how hard you try. Some of you are so damn stupid you've never actually made a broad cum and you never knew it. You assumed because she made a noise like what you hear on the porn movies she actually came. No, bitch, she said that to make you feel better about yourself.

Next, there are some men that actually can say this. However, they don't need to. Do you know why they can say this? Because they can actually make any of their exes come back to them any time they want. And I don't mean the single exes. I mean the exes that go on and have relationships with another dude but she can't get enough of this dude's dick. The men that can use this phrase have this special ability to actually lay the mutha fuckin pipe. These are the dudes that are so in tune with their partner's body they won't allow themselves to get close to bustin' a nut til they know their partner got one, maybe even two or more. These dudes know when to move, when not to move, how to move, how hard to go, when to go slow, when to go fast, when to make love and when to fuck like a pornstar.

But you want to know about those that can't say this. Let's make it simple. If you say this, but not a single one of your exes want you once the relationship is done, kill yo' self. If you say this shit but your ex never comes back on your terms, kill yo' self again. If you know your dick game is whack, and yes, you should know if your dick game is whack, you should never, ever, EVER, say this. EVER. I'm so serious. You can't fuck to save your life but you want to say someone will always run back to you? For what? Certainly not that whack ass dick you got going on.

Oh, but you just know your dick game is good right? Let me clue you in on this. Size ain't everything. Just because you got a 10 to 12 inch dick and can thrust really hard does not mean your dick is actually good. It means your dick is big and you can thrust really hard. Who the fuck cares if you can't hit the right spot? If your dick doesn't legitimately make your partner bust, you fail. And you will only be used for the size of your dick, not the quality. You will then be discarded like the trash your dick game is.

In closing, fellas, if you say once mine always mine, you better have proof. Otherwise, keep that fuckery to yo' mutha fuckin self and shut the fuck up

Favoritism in the Workplace

Ok, I have to touch on this subject personally because I've been seeing it since I started working. I hate this manner of fuckery. Seriously, why the fuck do people play favorites in the workplace, especially in a customer service setting? Let me give a few examples.

On my second job at Sonic Drive In, the stores in this area were run by this guy Tony. Great. His wife was the GM of my store, his stepson started as kitchen manager before getting bumped to manager. His nephew was a manager of my store before being made GM of another store. His other nephews were kitchen managers and then one other nephew was made manager at my store. Their youngest son was switched from another store to mine when he got wrote up for something that was actually his fault. Now, I'm so damn good at my job they switched me to help shape up another store and paid me more. Wasn't a manager, but might as well have been. Problem is, the whole family worked together and were in positions of power. So eldest son did things like refuse to teach me how to work in the kitchen so one of the other managers who wasn't in the family had to do it. None of the family got wrote up even when they fucked up majorly. 

Fast forward several years. In one of my call center jobs, a certain race of people was shown favoritism. Namely, the white people (I'm just calling it like I see it). None of the black people who deserved to be made floor leads and supervisors were. I got fired for doing my job by holding my ground against a secretary in a hospital trying to tell me how the actual fuck I do my job. Whatever bitch. But one of the team leads commits a major HIPAA violation, costing the company several thousand dollars, and she gets to keep hers. Namely, bitch faxed a message that was supposed to go to a doctor's office in California to Tennessee. And she kept making these types of fuck ups. Another example, I got called into the office because I cuss too much, but the older white women cuss way more than I did on the floor and never got told anything. I got called in for stupid shit like this queerbag on the floor who I didn't like because he was such a disgusting little whore ran and snitched on me for making a comment after getting off a call and then he said I typed too hard. My natural reaction was to let him in on the fact that A) I can't stand his fag ass and B) I will gladly break the keyboard across his fucking skull instead of through my typing if he so much as breathes in my direction anymore. But the little dry snitching queerbag got a position made up for him that made him think he was something and somehow still has a job even though he's another large fuck up. Difference, I'm black,he's white. I know HIPAA inside and out, none of them do.

And now we come to my most recent job. For some reason, they sing the praises of one agent on the floor. They say she confirms the most orders (yeah, i process orders in this one. no more detail needed). What they forget to take notice of is the fact that she fucks up more orders than any three people combined. Every order I get of hers is wrong. So we have a process to escalate people to the supervisors for coaching. We all have escalated this bitch but she still has a job while they fired the last two training classes because they didn't have enough work for them.

Pause. What manner of fuckery is this? Let me get this straight, we have a bitch here who clearly is trying to get fired as she fucks up orders in such blatantly obvious ways that it would be funny if she wasn't fuckin' with my money but you fired two classes of people coming out of training who actually made less errors than her? 

Fuck your favoritism. We should all be treated according to capability. If I happen to be one of the best on the floor, I should feel like it. I should not see someone who is in the running for the worst on the floor being rewarded constantly. That's the shit that makes people find other jobs even though this one is rather simple. So note to all supervisors, you don't get to have favorites. Not only can this lose you some good workers, but this shit opens you up to a lawsuit. What you let one get away with, you need to let another get away with? If it gets everyone else fired, it should get your favorite fired. 

"It's not you."

You ever thought you had something that was going good and then it just comes to a screeching halt? I've been there, done that, and ten times out of nine, end up in that. I'd like to think that it's because I'm paying for shit I've done in a previous life, but that's not the case. The case is that the hoe can't be loyal or some shit like that.

So, here we go. One of the most generic lines used during a break up. The first one is "Can we still be friends," but that's not the one I'm referring to.

If you read the title, you'll get what I mean. I find it hilarious how the break up conversation starts: you get that "we gotta talk" message. Then you get told you're a great person, and that's when they drop the bomb. Why is it people can't be honest when they're kicking their former partner to the curb? They always gotta go with that generic-ass shit 'cause I guess it'll make 'em feel better about the dirt they've been doing behind their ex-partner's back. If it's "not them," then why in the unholiest of fucks did you go into this relationship in the first place? Why in the actual secret tenth circle of hell did you waste your time and this other person's time if you weren't feeling them to begin with? I'll tell you why and maybe I've been watching too much This is a Commentary, but I happen to be a Tre Melvin fan and he makes sense.

Because you like the idea. You like the idea of a relationship, you like the idea of monogamy, you like the idea of the title of boyfriend/girlfriend/whatever, but you also like the idea of living the single life, which means you like the idea of sucking every dick/eating every pussy you come across that doesn't belong to your partner. If you're breaking up your partner and they're not why you're doing it, then why are you doing them wrong behind their back?

So, today, I just had the misfortune of having my relationship ended with such fuckery. The funny thing is that this happens at the same time I make the conscious decision to act on my suspicions that she's cheating on me and two days after I confessed to her that I had been cheated on. I came to that conclusion about three or four times throughout the last 24 hours because I've been fucked over by whores twice before. Then I read Dre's post about cheaters, just so I could make sure I wasn't being paranoid and insecure. I'll never know, and frankly, I could care less since the jig's up but I believe that I wasn't being paranoid at all.

Point of this is, if it's absolutely necessary to dump that person, be completely honest with them even if that shit is gonna hurt. If you're fucking around, own up to it and then kill yourself. If you're weren't into them to start with, don't waste their time or yours. If there's someone else, tell 'em and then proceed to give your life.

Talk a good game.....can't back it up

If there is one thing I hate, it's anyone, male or female, who talks a whole lot of shit and can't back it up. I mean this in a sexual and non-sexual way. Let's go through this.

Internet thugs: These amuse the ever living shit out of me. The keyboard warriors. They can talk all the shit in the world but can't back it up. I have an ex, for example, who, upon our final argument, told me it was like that when he saw me in the streets. This was said on Facebook of course, on his wall, which was public, after we had a very public argument (I had a nigga moment. he's one of the few who bring that out in me). Now, a week later, I see him on the metrolink (public transit for those not from the area, kinda like a subway). What does he do as I approach? The bitch runs for his life. Seriously, he made a serious dash for the exit.

Sexual stuff:

Quotes from guys: "I got a big dick and know how to use it."

Pause pause pause for the mutha fuckin cause. First off, don't quote a fucking song at me to describe your dick game. Second, what is your definition of big? Who told you it was big? Oh, you say you're ten inches? No, nigga, you're 5 and a half. Don't double your dick size. Ruler or tape measure, use it before trying to tell someone how big you are. Because people like me and the women I know will shatter your fucking feelings and not give an iota of a fuck. And then, just to be an ass, we will tell everyone just how little it was.

Oh, but it's really that size? Great......until we discover you don't know how the blue fuck to use it. Let me give you a little anatomy lesson. The spot for both sexes is about two inches in. For women, it's the clit. For men, it's the prostate. Learn how the fuck to find it and work it. It's not fucking rocket science. Seriously. If one bitch or one nigga shows you where it is, it is in the exact same spot on every other broad or dude you fuck with.

"I wanna long dick you down."

Pause again. Bitch, didn't I just cover this? First off, how do you long dick anyone and your dick like four inches (yeah I took an inch off just for the fucking insult)? Second, you just barely figured out how to move your hips. That's not long dicking anyone down. It's boring the fuck out of us.

"I'm gon fuck you all night long."

Please inform us of your definition of all night long. Because the night last from dusk til dawn, mutha fucka, and you couldn't even last twenty minutes.

"I'm gonna make you cum (insert number) times." or "I'll make you cum til you can't cum no more" or "I'll make you cum til you beg me to stop."

Actually, I need you to stop deluding yourself. You couldn't get a broad or another dude to bust a nut if your life depended on it. Your dick game is wack, you can't eat the pussy and/or suck the dick. What the actual fucking good are you?

Quotes from women (and by the way, I questioned the intelligence of the women I heard some of these from)

"I got that wet-wet."

pause. First, bitch, why are we using this as a line? secondly, define wet. Because to me you felt dryer than the mutha fuckin sahara and i was scared i'd start a mutha fuckin fire

"I got the tightest pussy."

The fact that I've heard this line makes me cringe. And bitch, it's not tight when you have no walls.

"I got the baddest pussy in the game."

Again, bitch you got no walls. You let way too many dicks of varying shapes and sizes run through that. You know it's fucked up if a dude has to ask you is it in yet.

"I can take it however you give it to me."

But when I start to go all out, you begging e to stop? Bitch make up your mind. Do you want to get fucked all the way down or do you just want me to put it in and lay there til i fall the fuck asleep from boredom. If you can't take the dick, don't act like you can. I don't want some bitch that flinches with every stroke. And in this case




Point is, we've all had men or women that talk a real good game (at least in their head) but can't back that shit up. It irks my soul. Especially with sex. Do not talk shit and be unable to back that shit up. You can't take dick, then you need to bat for the other team. Or stick to toys you can take. Dudes, if you rarely have sex, shut the fuck up. Seriously, shut the fuck up. If you've only had sex twice in your miserable fucking life, or if you only had sex with one bitch, shut the fuck up. You don't know shit. No one appreciates you talking shit when you never bothered to actually learn what to do. It takes more than putting a dick in a hole to make it good. Size don't mean shit if you don't know how to use it. If you ain't swingin then put your tongue in it. Put your mouth on it. Use your finger. Seriously, find a way to make sure your partner gets theirs.

And to my keyboard warriors, I come from the Show me state and try me city, mutha fucka. Read between the lines

Offensive flirting/Not interested. Fuck off.

There's a breed of fuckery that goes on and I just feel like pointing it out with people I see constantly introducing it. Now, if you frequent those 18+ social networking sites, you'll know what I'm talking about. The persistent dipshits that don't know how to take rejection and the fuckwads who go about coming onto others the wrong way. Let's start with the latter.
So, there's this really hot guy or this bangin' chick you just wanna holla at in the worst way. You feel like you gotta spit that game, provided yo' bitch ass got any. Okay, you walk up to that potential conquest or whatever and some straight dumb shit comes out of your mouth. The fuck were you thinking, shit-for-brains? Did you really think they would go for the idiotic bullshit that you just uttered for the world to hear? The hell outta here.

Now, I've personally met people who've had this happen to them and I've been on the receiving end of this online. Let me give you an example.

So, there's this thirsty-ass dude and he has a girlfriend who doesn't give him what he wants because... hello, dumbshit, she's busy busting her ass at work while you're online telling your female friends that you wanna bang them, most of whom are either not into men, not interested in dating, or have boyfriends. For reference sake, I'll just call him Ginger. Ginger, like this one closet case with a stupid hoe for a wife, does not know how to attempt keeping his dick in his pants if it's not in his girl. So, one night I was online writing when this friend of mine sent me a message. We were talking about my writing, like we usually do when she tells me that she needed to defriend a creeper and ban him from a page she operates. It took about three or four questions, but she told me that Ginger had sent her some very unnerving messages. Now, she didn't tell me what exactly he said, other than it was sexual, but I have my ideas that I don't wanna share. The fuckery in this is that she has no interest in sexuality, romantic relationships or dating whatsoever, so what made this dumbshit think that this assexual female would smile, grin, and drop her panties for him is beyond me. The sad part is that he's done this to two of her friends and was even called out on this fuckery when he was in middle school; there's a Facebook group claiming he's innocent of grabbing some chick's ass and a bunch of fuckery came out of that.

Yeah, I'll let that sink in for a second.

Then he tries texting his ex that he left for his current girlfriend to tell her that he missed the sex he had with her and that he still loves her and all that good shit. Yeah, you know you're pathetic when you have to go running back to the ex you left for your current. Now recently, Ginger has moved on to another of our mutual friends, commenting on Facebook pictures of her that I have to admit are very lovely. This assmunch is all up on her profile and the saddest part is that his girlfriend is either oblivious, in denial, or she doesn't care that he doesn't give a fuck about her unless he wants sex, which is something he should refrain from doing since the motherfucker is absolutely shittacular in bed.

Now let's get to the former. Like I was saying, if you're on 18+ social networking sites, then you'll know what the fuck I'm talking about. I've been on the receiving end of this shit too. If you message someone propositioning for sex or whatever and they say no, that doesn't give you a fuckin' license to keep hitting them up and saying "plz bb i promis itll b good" (I had to dumb myself down to the level of today's teenagers to type that out, I can feel my brain cells withering away as I speak) until they decide to finally hit the block button on your stupid ass because you don't know what the fuck the word 'no' means. If someone's not interested in you, drop it and move on. There's always someone. I've been rejected before but that doesn't mean I'm going to pursue a fruitless venture because you can't change someone's mind. You want examples of this shit? When you're in the club and you're just minding your business at the bar and some stupid fuck/stupid hoe comes up to you with their wack-ass lines. You either flash your wedding band, tell 'em you lack an attraction to their gender or tell 'em you're taken but they just have to keep talking like you didn't just indicate that you're not interested. I hate dumbasses like that who just choose to blind themselves to what they don't want to be truth.

Point is, if you're not good at flirting, don't do it and if you must, don't let sex be on the forefront of your minds. If you like someone, tell 'em but don't be disrespectful about it. If you can't do that, then trip and fall off the highest bridge you can find into concrete or a powerful body of water.

How many partners have you had?

So you just got into a relationship, right? You're in that getting to know another stage. It's fun. You get to ask about everything. Their likes and dislikes, family, friends, sex.

Pause pause pause for the mutha fuckin cause. I can deal with it when sex comes up. I might enjoy that conversation more than any other. But here's the problem. They always ask that one question after they get me to admit I've had quite a bit of sex. They want to know how many partners I've had before them. That is such an unfair and bullshit question. I've made it clear, because I can't sit and lie, that I've been active. This is the rudest question to ask me ever. Don't get it? Allow me to tell you why.

1. I just fucking told you I've been pretty active. Why in the blue fuck do you need a number to put with it?

2. Bitch, I lost count years ago. I started early. I have been fucking for well over a decade and a half. And I'm not saying this as some badge of honor. I'm just being real. 

3. This question then leads to more questions that will only make you feel insecure. Then you want to know about sizes. Ladies want to know if the chick was fat or skinny, if her boobs were bigger or smaller. Dudes want to know if the dick was bigger or the ass was tighter; did the other guys ride it, could they take it, did they run from it.

Lets be real. When it comes to sex, you need to know very few things. First, you need to know I get tested regularly and I'm clean. Never had any STD ever. Second, you need to know positions I like, positions I hate, and positions I want to try. You need to know turn ons and turn offs. What you don't need to know is the exact number of people I had before you. Don't worry about the past, worry about the present. And don't ask me mutha fuckin questions I don't actually know the answer to. Because if I lie and give you a low ball number, it'll come to light. If I tell you the truth, which is I don't fucking know because I been doing this shit way too long and stopped counting years ago, then you'll look down your nose at me. The shit isn't relevant to what we're about to do. Asking that one question opens the door to infinite levels of fuckery that will just fuck up the whole relationship. So ladies and gents, do me a favor, stop asking for exact fucking numbers of partners.

Take your 180 ass on somewhere.

Seems like we got a new voice up in this bitch. I know you're used to Dre, but I thought I'd come in and speak my piece off and on about the fuckery that I see. Before we kick this shit off, I'm Fujin- as in the Mortal Kombat character who debuted in MK4.

You know those friends you've been down with since your school days or even those friends you been talking to for the last five to eight years? Yeah, them. You do everything together from clubbing to Skyping to even flirting with the opposite (or same, whatever your tastes) sex together.

These people are supposed to be your best friends and you couldn't ask for a better group to be closer to. Then, time passes and all kinds of excellent things and people come into your life. You ain't forgot about that same group you ran through the halls and beat the shit out of stuntin'-ass niggas with. In fact, you try to bring your new life into the fold because you don't forget where you come from. Where's the fuckery, you ask?

The fuckery is how motherfuckers start turning on yo' ass out the blue and for the stupidest of fucking reasons. These people wanna leech the goddamn joy out of yo' life because they don't wanna see you uplifted and chillin'. These people fall into two categories: either they're miserable themselves and wanna bring you down or they're also happy but wanna see you down and out.

Eleven times out of ten, I've dealt with mostly miserable-ass people who wanna bring you down. Example? I got one.

Here's one that I remember experiencing. Some six years ago, this little pencil-dick, scrawny-ass nigga just decided to kick up some beef out of nowhere with my older brother, who's also my best friend that I've known for literally half my life. When I get wind of the shit, I just decided to stand back and see if these fools are gonna duke it out and be done with it.

Nope. For the sake of this post, we just gonna refer to this nigga as Curtis, because he a mutha fuckin snitch. What does Curtis do? Curtis blows up my phone one day while I'm in class and when I finally call him back, he starts going on about talking about "fuck that nigga" and how I need to ditch him.

Pause. I've known said big brother since the very first day I stepped onto my old middle school grounds and while he's a complete arse and has given me reasons many times over to ditch his ass, he has always been there for me and proud of every one of my accolades. Curtis? This nigga had something to say about my first higher learning institution being a university instead of the community college damn near every motherfucker and his mama in my area run to after graduation. Then he had the nerve to ask me who had been the better friend. If you must ask this question in the hopes the answer is yourself, then you must not be the fantastic support system you want people to think you are. Now, I've moved on from what Curtis tried to pull but it's still the principle of the thing.

What irks me even more are people who are happy and basically stop wantin' to fuck with you because you're happy that you've achieved something you sought out or found a new partner. Even more so when that person is supposed to be your damn best friend and they act like you've poisoned their most cherished pet or some shit and quit talking to you out of the blue when you were talking like normal days and hours before. Normally, I'd be that person who asks "What the hell I do that was so damn bad you don't even have two words to say to me anymore?" Now, I'm not even gonna give myself a headache about it because if I know I haven't done shit to you, then there's no need for me to click out and I save myself some drama. On the other side of that coin, this could be because that friend might be getting ready to let something come between your bond and just wanna project that shit onto you. What bothers me about this type of fuckery is that your friends (this goes triple for bests) should be the happiest fuckers out of everyone for you if something good has happened in your life.

I forgot about this category: the "friends" who take the side of someone you introduced to your circle rather than the person who introduced that individual when the two get into a conflict and proceeds to take the word of the former over that of the latter as pure gospel truth. There's two sides to every story and for you to just blatantly ignore what your friend has to say is complete and utter bullshit.

The moral of the story, folks?

If you fall into any of these categories, you are fake as fuck and need to get the fuck lost. Make way for real niggas/bitches and please remove yourself from my sight.

So Your mate looks a hot ass mess, what do you do?

Ok, so I have noticed that lately, men especially are failing their women. I feel some people need a lesson in the proper things to do in a certain situation. But I'm gonna break this down in parts.

First off, ladies, if you're that bitch that has the nerve to come ask your man if a certain item of your wardrobe makes you look fat, bitch, choke. Let me explain something to every female that does this shit. Men do not appreciate being in this position. First off, he sees you naked. So what he really wants to say is, "No, bitch, those jeans don't make you look fat. Your fat makes you look fat." And if you're a skinny bitch and you ask this question, choke twice. Bitch, I see your fucking ribcage  and your heart beating through your chest but you asked me if you look fat? No, stupid hoe, you need to go fucking eat a burger.

Now understand, this isn't a dig on big or fat girls. This is just a simple solution. Stop asking stupid ass questions. Bitch if you're fat, fucking deal with it. Don't ask us if anything makes you look fat. It's rude and uncomfortable and you need to go give your life.

Now fellas, I'm gonna single you out because ladies rarely let shit like this happen. It's about time y'all stop walking on eggshells and shit and be honest. Women say they want honesty, right? Give that bitch what she wants. So most women frequently try to change up their looks. Sometimes it's a small thing, sometimes it's major. So let's start with a couple of common scenarios.

1. Hair dye-if you see your woman brought home some hair dye, or you're in the store with her, make sure this bitch gets a color that doesn't make you embarrassed to be seen with her ass. Bright neon fucking orange hair is not really appropriate for most people. If she black as midnight, don't let that bitch come out with bleach blonde hair. Her hair needs to compliment her skin color goddamn it. If she asks your opinion, pay attention. And be brutally honest. If she selects anything orange, ask that bitch if she is attempting to look like the Great Pumpkin. That oughta put a stop to that shit.

2. Clothing-this is more of a problem for my big girls. Ladies, please dress for the body you have, not the body you wish you had. Fellas, tell this bitch if her rolls hanging out or her muffin top is showing. I'm so serious. If your woman comes out in something three sizes too small, send that bitch back in her room with orders to change. If she has nothing in her wardrobe that fits, fuck a date. Take that bitch shopping and make her try shit on. Buy this bitch clothes that fit. Likewise, ladies, if this dude comes to you with his pants hanging off his ass, first off, give that moron a wedgie. I'm not kidding. Yank them pants up so high his balls reach his stomach. Then, buy this idiot a belt and some pants that fit. Please make sure he understands what sagging pants meant. It started in prison as a way to let the other men know one was open to be plowed. Then it was used by gay males to pick up johns in the seventies. So fellas, when you keep getting eyed by a dude and your pants are sagging, it's cuz you're telling him you're gay and you're ready to be fucked. stupid ass. Ladies, do not let your hetero man out of the house like this.

Let me add on, be age appropriate with your clothing. If you're forty, dress like it. Do not dress like the teenagers. 95% of you don't have the body to pull that shit off. And if you're a man in your forties dressing like these young dudes, you look stupid.

3. Dancing-ok, so i got no problem with booty dancing. This is directed more towards fellas after the shit I saw last night at the bar. Please don't dance like you've never got pussy in your life. Seriously. You are not Usher or Chris Brown. Odds are, you just think you dance that good but you look stupid as fuck. So ladies, if this dude can't dance, back that ass up against him, wrap his arms around your waist, and show this dude how to move with you so he doesn't look like a complete retard. And you know if your man can't dance.

Alternate take. Ladies, if you have no ass, why are you twerkin? You can move your body appropriately for that flat ass you have. Do not dance like you got ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass when you really are flatter than a fucking pancake and are just painful to watch. If you got rhythm, don't twerk. Just dance. show off the rhythm without trying to pop lock and drop what you don't actually have.




Point is, if your mate looks a hot ass mess, it is your obligation to tell them to fix it. Obnoxious hair colors, bad dressing, bad dancing, whatever it is, this person represents you. If they're sensitive, I suggest they thicken that skin. If they can take it from others but not from you, get someone else to say something. But you should want your other half to be your better half. I have a rule, and perhaps the dominant one in the relationship should adopt this. You cannot go out of the house with me looking worse than me. You need to look better at all times.

Pause. Let me address you insecure fucks that let your other half go out looking a hot ass mess because you think no one will want them that way. See a real man or woman can look underneath the mess to see the potential and will want that anyway. You're not keeping them with you by letting them look a mess. And frankly, if you have to do that, you shouldn't be with the person anyway.

This is really not that hard of a concept to grasp. Keep your man or woman looking good at all times, or at least as good as they can.

Dick Riders

Now, I know some of you read that and your mind went in the gutter. We not talking about fuckin' right at this moment, though if I really wanted to, I could totally go through the do's and don'ts of riding a dick. Nah, we talking metaphorically here. You ever come across people that just dick ride all the mutha fuckin time? I have, and it's getting on my nerves.

Ok, so let's start with example number one. I get online and this bitch with the joint Facebook account is dick riding her husband so hard all I can do is shake my head. Look here, I understand love for your husband, if that's what you do indeed have. But bitch, why the fuck are you the only one posting on the page and every fucking time you post, it's a dick ride? No one gives an iota of a fuck about your husband's sports endeavors. No one cares if y'all just got done fucking. No one cares that you're still trying to convince yourselves that you're in love. We just don't give a fuck. If you gonna dick ride your husband, stick to the literal and not the metaphorical.

Need another example? We gotta go into nerd territory so bear with me. Ever heard of fantasy football and baseball leagues? Well, there's role playing centered around wrestling. We create our characters and role play in fictional federations for fictional titles with no real meaning outside of this role play. Well, it just so happens that there's one guy, who for the sake of reference I'm just going to call Jackass. This Jackass has the most unrealistic gimmick ever thought up in wrestling. Seriously, he's a hybrid mix of Undertaker, Kane, and Marvel characters. He's a total mark for CM Punk and the Miz but has the nerve to call others for modeling their characters after their favorites. He is the biggest dickwad on the scene. He has a god complex and an inferiority complex at the same time. This leads him to take unnecessary shots at the people that are, you know, better than him. Fine, whatever. Who the fuck cares? Unfortunately, Jackass has made roleplaying his entire life. He brought politics in role play.

Pause. Ok, there were some politics before him, but he perfected the mutha fuckin art of politics. How the fuck do we have backstage politics that rival the actual sport we're modeling after? Because he's a dick, that's why. And what's worse, he has way too many dick riders and now people are wondering why the scene is dying out. The vets who've been on this particular scene longer than him don't like him. It's not that they're jealous, it's just that he sucks the fun out of the game. People dick ride him because he's done so much to establish his federation and kill off the others. Even when he's clearly in the wrong, they dick ride. Dude, it's role playing. Why the fuck are you dick riding in role playing? This is a game, folks. It's not supposed to be serious. We don't get paid for this shit. Get off the dick. Trust me, life in role playing is a lot easier when everyone isn't trying to ride the same dick.

Dick riders just irk the hell out of me. And do you ever notice dick riders always ride the dick of someone that is a complete and utter idiot? They take everything the person says as words of wisdom when in reality, they're a moron. These people dick ride so hard they might as well literally jump on the dick and scream the person's name. Fuck yo' heterosexuality. If you dick riding this hard on a lame, you need to rethink what you define yourself as. And sadly, some of the hardest dick riders are men who claim to be straight.

Pause. If you're so straight, why the blue fuck can you not get off this other dude's nuts? Whether its in role playing, sports, or life in general, no one man holds all the answers and generally speaking, men can be short sighted and some are just outright stupid. Damn, if you must dick ride, at least find a big dick to ride that actually knows what it's doing.......see, now your mind just went back in the gutter. Keep up, damn it, we're still being metaphorical here. For the most part anyway. If you didn't keep up, what that meant was, find someone with half a brain to follow if you can't lead yourself. Dumbass.

Jump Offs, Cutty Buddies, Friends with Benefits/Fuck Buddies, Boyfriend/Girlfriend #

Ok, now if you look at the title, you might think I'm saying these are bad things. No, these titles are not the fuckery. It's the lack of understanding of these terms that is the fuckery. I need bitches and hoes to know their place. Now, if you mess with someone ignant like me, you've heard these terms. Need a break down? Let's go, and this will be complete with things you don't do.

Jump offs: You serve one sole purpose, and you very rarely serve it. You might only serve it once. That purpose is to fuck. Plain and simple. You are that one that is called to smash one good time and you probably never hear from me again. You were only good for that purpose.

Cutty buddy: Like jump offs, you serve one purpose. That is also to fuck. What makes you different is that you are a regular. You must be pretty damn good in bed to get this title, but understand, this is all there is. No conversation that isn't related to sex. We may not see each other in daylight. Your purpose is to fuck when time allows and to do so often and without strings.

Friends with benefits/fuck buddies: These titles are interchangeable. You are a lot like the cutty buddy. The difference, you're actually a friend. You can have conversations and you just happen to screw regularly when it's convenient. You, unlike the previous two, can be seen in public. Most won't know anything is amiss because you are a friend or buddy who just happens to fuck behind closed doors. You don't get to question or get jealous, and you step down when there's a new boyfriend/girlfriend

boyfriend/girlfriend #: Ok, this one requires a little more explanation. Ok, you might get a little happy because you have a title. You're a boyfriend or girlfriend. But you have a number attached to that title. This is a bit tricky. There's a priority with you. So let's make this simple. If you are boyfriend/girlfriend #1 you have the highest priority. You have all the rights and privileges of a boyfriend/girlfriend. Downside, you probably don't know there are others. However, you can do everything because you're the main one. You get to ask questions about whereabouts, who calls and texts. You get first priority on my time. However, if you are boyfriend/girlfriend #2 or higher, you know there are others and you need to know your place in line. You're not #1. You should limit your questioning and demands. You do get time, but in order. You probably have a designated day or days. Or a signal that I'm with the numbers ahead of you. Know yo' mutha fuckin' role. Your job is to pick up the slack of what #1 isn't doing. If you have this title, you are known. You are seen with me in daylight. Unless it's somewhere #1 might go. In which case, you know how to act in public. Number 1 doesn't get to know of our relationship. Any of the other numbers, who gives a fuck? If they have a number other than 1 then they know what's up.

Now here's where the fuckery begins. Don't cross your boundaries. You know what you are. If you only ever hear from someone late at night, probably at like two in the morning and it's always about sex, you are a cutty buddy. You get only booty calls and if you start it then accept it. Don't try to go through my phone. That will get yo' dumb ass slapped. Don't ask me where I been or why I only call or come see you late at night. Bitch, you're a cutty buddy. Know your role and shut the fuck up.

If you got it one time and never heard from a person again, assuming this occurred shortly after meeting a person, probably within a few days, guess what, you're a jump off. You were needed to solve the issue for the moment and go one about your business. If you don't hear back the next day or two, keep it pushing. Don't call or text me asking when you're going to see me again. You're not. You're a jump off.

If you fall under friends with benefits/fuck buddy, understand the words friends or buddy in that. Play your part. If you want more, make sure there are not boyfriends or girlfriends in the way. But also understand it's highly unlikely you'll progress to the next stage.

Boyfriends/girlfriends with #s, know your number damn it. I can't stress this enough. Now if your goal is to become number 1, you have to blow the current number 1 out of the water. This is not the most likely scenario. Number 1 is the one that I have stronger feelings for. Number 1 has to fuck up royally or just become boring and useless. Don't actively step above your damn number. I will let you know when you've progressed to a higher level. If you're impatient, it's better to break it off because you never know how long you'll be number 2 or 3.

I hate when people over step their bounds. It irks me. And when I'm single I'm bound to have one in most of these categories. Overstepping bounds is how people get cut off and discarded. If you fit into a role and you know it, stay the fuck in it. The fuckery that is a dumbass trying to step up from cutty buddy to boyfriend/girlfriend is not amusing. It pisses me off. You're a cutty buddy for a reason. You're a jump off or a FWB for a reason. Learn it, know it, deal with it, and shut the fuck up.

Sex=Love?

I don't know about you, but I always run across those dumb ass people that equate sex with love. These are the morons that fall in love with any person they have sex with. As in, at some point after the first time they have sex with a person, they say those three little words that fuck a whole day up. So right after sex that first time, they say they love the other person.

Pause. Really? You fucked one time and now you're in love? Was it that good? Let me answer that for you, hell no. Want to know how i know it was that good? Because if you fucking with me, the very first time I probably don't care as much about rocking your world. This is especially true if we're not officially together and I decide to fuck you. I have a desire to make sure you're satisfied, but not to rock your world. Secondly, even if I were to pull out all the stops, bitch, we just fucked once. I'm not in love with yo' dumb ass. We fucked. Even if you're the best I ever had, which you're probably not, that does not make me fall in love.

I'll give an example. I had an ex who I stupidly remained friends with during our off periods over the course of five and a half years. Now this was a moron. We would talk and he'd tell me he has a guy he met online coming over. Or maybe some guy he met when he went out somewhere and got his number. Whatever the case, the guy is coming over. This is their first meeting and they're going to have sex. This never bothered me, because we weren't together and I had my own things going. The problem always came the next day. Because he'd call all excited, just having to tell me how it was the night before. And inevitably, he would tell me he was in love.

Ugh, seriously? Didn't you just meet this dude yesterday? But you're in love. Are you fucking kidding me? Damn you must be the neediest, most desperate fuck I've ever come across. Inevitably, about a week later, he'd call me all heartbroken because the guy had broken things off. On the rare occasion that one of these lasted longer than a week, such as the one that lasted like six months, things got much worse. Six months in, this DL guy he'd been messing with decided to let his ass go. Mind you, in six months, the only thing they really did together was fuck, but he fell in love. Madly in love. So far in love he tried to kill himself when it ended. In hindsight, I probably should have let him succeed instead of being that uber loyal friend that ran to his rescue. but whatever, i can't change who I am, right?

Point is, this is an extreme version of the idiots that confuse sex with love. The fuckery of this idea is mind boggling, especially when the ex I just told you about could be the biggest hoe around. So he fancied himself in love an awful lot over the course of the five and a half years we were associated with each other. It was rather pathetic. Seriously, it was an every other week type of thing with him. And there were several suicide attempts when they didn't return the feeling. Needy bastard.

So let's put this in simple terms for the fucktards who don't understand. Love is not necessary in order to have sex. If you have sex with someone, this does not mean they love you after. You should probably not say the words "I love you" during or right after sex. If you think that after sex you're in love, you should examine the situation. Do not confuse love with lust. Sex does not equal love. Especially for hoes. You can not fall in love with every person or every other person you fuck. It is really annoying for someone like me to fuck someone and then get a declaration of love, especially if I didn't plan on talking to yo' stupid ass after. As the saying goes, "We don't love them hoes."

Hate Crime

Ok, watch the link above before you read the rest of this blog. This is an issue that's a bit near and dear to my heart so I elected to speak on it. Hate crimes against the LGBT community happen a lot more often than you think but this video shows one right after the pride parade in New York. If you pay attention, a man who is beyond old enough to know better starts this altercation with the youths who have just left the parade. He yells at them obscenely and a fellow passenger decides to record this. Eventually, these two men realize she's recording and assault this young woman in an effort to get her phone from her. They don't want this recorded evidence. This same man has the audacity to put his hand around the throat of one young lesbian woman. The louder of the two men threatens them repeatedly.

There are so many crimes that can be charged in this. Assault or attempted assault, the threats, causing a public disturbance. Whatever, it's a hate crime, clear and simple. These men choose to yell and scream at them, telling them they're not normal. They place their hands on people first. No one provoked them. And the fact that they tried to get the camera phone from the person recording to break it shows that deep down, they know they're in the wrong. They know they started it and they don't want to get caught. Eventually they will get caught and we can only hope they are prosecuted.

This issue hits so close to home because I am a part of that community. If you've read my writing or seen some of my favored reviews you can probably tell this. This is something many of us face. There is generally never any call for this. Rarely does a gay man hit on a straight man to provoke this type of reaction. Believe it or not, we can generally spot our own kind well and avoid hitting on a straight one at all costs. There are always exceptions to the rule but this was clearly not a case of these men being hit on. It was not a case of anything but them exploding to spout off their own hate for something they do not understand. That disturbs me. Because if not for this passenger with her camera and her quickness in pulling the brake to summon authorities, this could have gone much worse.  

The people involved have filed police reports and the purpose of the video is to call attention to this and to get others to speak out. This is an emotional situation and I'm thankful at least that no one was actually hurt this time. But you can see how this could have gone so much further if those two men's fear of being caught hadn't kicked in. This is hatred and fear in pure form, and it's a sickening thing to see. Regardless of if you agree with the sexuality of another, it is never your place to cast judgment. If you disagree because of your religion, great. Your religion should tell you that your god makes the final judgment. No religion tells you that you are judge, jury, and executioner. If you feel it's not natural, hey, it's just not natural to you. That doesn't mean it's not natural to others. Regardless, respect is the important thing. We are all human trying to make it through this thing called life. It's high time we move past fear of what we don't understand and learn to simply coexist with one another.

Stupid Ass Coworkers

You cannot believe the type of fuckery I have dealt with the past couple of days from dumb ass coworkers. This is becoming an epidemic. This brand of fuckery just begs someone to lose their little job by smacking the shit out of an idiot. There are legitimate retards that could tell some of the things these idiots do are wrong. So let's get it.

Example One: Saturday, yesterday, I come to work. It's supposed to be a chill, laid back day because that's just how we do on Saturdays. This dumb ass dude comes in and I can immediately tell something ain't right. He's so extra random that I finally have to ask him is he high. He says he got drunk the night before and didn't sleep more than an hour before he came in so he's still tipsy. Ok, but he's more than tipsy. And if you show up to work hung over or slightly tipsy from the night before, isn't your goal supposed to be sobering up so your stupid ass doesn't get sent for an immediate drug and alcohol test? Pretty sure it is a violation of every company's policy to come to work drunk. I know it is at my job. So this moron is loud, obnoxious, and an angry drunk. How the fuck do you come to work drunk and decide to be an angry drunk? This shit baffles me. And one of my coworkers did her best to deflect because he's drawing attention to our corner of the room. This dude straight went off about his watch, saying it cost more than our whole outfits.

Pause. Where the blue fuck did that come from firstly? Secondly, bitch you spent 300 dollars on a watch? Does that mutha fucka book appointments and shit for you? If not, you overpaid. No one was even messing with him and he just went off. Then you been messing up shit all day because you drunk and you steady drinking. He even bugged some people to get him another beer from the gas station. The fuck? No, take yo' drunk ass home and get the fuck out of my face.

Example Two: The know-it-all bitch. These bitches piss me off the worse. These are the ones quick to come over and tell someone else how to do their job but can't do it themselves. Let me focus on just one, and I'm gonna call this bitch Poodle. Why? Because the stupid ho came to work with what looked like a poodle on top of her head. First problem, bitch loves to go tell people what they did wrong on something but just the other day i got four of her orders in a row and the shit was way wrong. She been there at least a year, I just started two months ago. Every time I get one of her orders they're wrong. But she wants to talk shit. To everyone but me, which is good for her because I'm tempted to knock her wig off her head as it is. Then, she sits and talks about people. This bitch has no shape, dimples in random places on her ass, and is always in stretch pants. And I stress that she came in with what looked like a goddamn poodle on her head. And all that aside, she still wouldn't be cute. She has an obnoxious ass loud ass laugh and no home training according to those that sit by her. She belches like a man and apparently won't hesitate to fart and will get offended if someone says something to her about it. This bitch needs to choke, immediately.

Example Three: The fake bitches. I can't stand a bitch want to laugh and joke with you one day but turn her nose up at you the next. Look ho, I ain't done shit to you. Don't flip flop on me. If you gonna be cool with me, be cool. If you don't like me, keep your distance. But don't turn your nose up at me like you think you're better or something because that's the shit that will get a bitch's feelings hurt.

Understand, I don't come to work to make friends. That's just a side effect. But I don't come to work to deal with the afforementioned bullshit either. Stupid ass coworkers and the fuckery they bring make me contemplate how good I really look in orange sometimes.

Cheaters

So, this topic hits a little close to home. Many of us have been cheated on, myself included. For some of us, it gets to the point where you can spot a cheater from a mile away and keep it pushing. You eventually become so used to it and come across so many different ways to be cheated on that you become almost a human lie detector. For those that haven't, let's examine the fuckery that is a cheater in this day and age.

Now, the number one way to catch a cheater is through their cell phone. Seriously, cell phones are the cause of the end of so many relationships. Why? Because cheaters always use text messaging. They save numbers and only a select few are smart enough to save them under a name already in the phone. Ah, but that's a catch 22 right there. Because lets say you save it under your best friend's name and you forget to delete a message or a message comes through while you're with your significant other that is not something that should come from a friend. Oh, then that little lightbulb kicks on. Now we have smart phones and the added risk of the apps you use to connect to certain websites. These include facebook and twitter as well as dating apps.

Pause. Let me just state, if you got someone and you're stupid enough to put an app to a dating site on your phone while you're with them, you deserve the ass kicking you're gonna get if your other half is anything like me. Seriously, you have to be a complete novice to get caught like this.

Anyway, the shit in your phone gets you cheaters caught all the time. You may think you were being smart using facebook messages or twitter DMs but i bet your dumb ass thought since your other half doesn't have your password it wouldn't be a problem? Can your other half get in your phone? Is it logged into any app you use to do your dirt? If the answer is yes to any of these, guess what, you're fucked.

Now, I know a few other ways to catch that ass up too. You thought you had your bases covered by keeping those clean, right? Wrong. Next up, email. Oh you stupid fucks that manage to clean out those other inboxes always forget the email. You might clean out your inbox and maybe you clean the trash out too. But here's where you fuck up. You leave the spam folder full. I'm gonna give you a few seconds to digest that................lost yet? Let me break it down for you. Your inbox is completely clean. So is your trash folder. Spam is full. Why? Your trash folder should probably never be empty. It automatically clears old messages after a month anyway. Why are you cleaning it out? Because you got something to hide. It's the little shit that catches your dumb ass up.

But what if you don't use these sites and emails to do your dirt? Think you're off the hook? Think because you don't text and don't let that hoe call your phone you're in the clear? Nope, let me dispel the next little trick. You hoes get a friend in to help cover your ass. I love catching hoes like this. You use a friend and try to catch your other half on a technicality. You say you're going to hang with this friend, one we know well enough. And you do....only that friend brings your hoe with them. And every one of you that tries that trick lets that shit slip. Want to know how? You have the conversation and you inevitably ask a question. This question has to do with who else is coming. And you fumble over the name. You don't want to say the hoe's actual name. So you say something generic and think you covered your ass. No, bitch, you didn't. I heard that slip and now I know what's up.

Oh, but you think you got a way around that problem, right? You'll just check in every hour or so and that gets you off the hook, right? Wrong bitch, because if you normally don't check in why the fuck are you doing it now? You nervous and you trying to make sure I don't show up unannounced wherever you are. Stupid ass, I'm not gonna do that because I know class goes out the window when you catch a hoe in the act.

Let me touch on one more way to get caught in the act. Scent. Scent will always give your ass away. First thing, if you bring your ass in my house smelling like a soap that isn't currently in my house (assuming we live together) or the soap you normally use (because I'm a fucking pro i memorize this shit), we about to have a misunderstanding. Secondly, if only your genitals smell like soap but the rest of you is sweaty, I'm about to click the fuck out. Third, if you come to kiss me and I smell dick on your breath (or pussy, whatever the case may be), prepare to lose your teeth. Fourth, if I go down there and I smell a scent that is not you and definitely is not me, you might be about to bleed out.

Pause. If at any point in this last paragraph you thought I was talking about cologne or perfume scents, choke twice. Every human being has an actual scent that is always attached to them. When I get with someone, I memorize their scent and my scent on them. I will always know the difference.

One more. Let's talk about condoms. If you and the person you're supposed to be with don't use condoms, you should never, ever be caught with condoms on you or in your apartment. If you do, keep track of the number. I do just so I can catch that hoe cheating. And I'm never wrong. I never miscount. I know how many condoms I keep and where I keep them. I also know how and where I dispose of them, so if I run up on a used one, I know it's not mine and you cannot convince me otherwise.

So you may ask how I would and have handled these situations. First off, let me say, jail isn't fun so keep your temper in check. Never, ever go where they are without someone to hold you back from hitting this hoe until they stop breathing. Because trust me, even the mildest mannered person can click out when catching the person they love with someone else. Here's how I handle it. First, I make sure I'm not just being paranoid. I gather the evidence. Then, I present it when we're alone, probably at improper or inopportune times for them. Like when they think I'm about to put it on them. Or when they just got home. Or when they're good and sleep so they're less likely to think up lies to cover their ass......you get my point right? Get in where you fit in. You know this hoe enough to think they're cheating. Get that ass when they're vulnerable, and always face to face. Gotta read the facial expressions.

To you cheaters out there, yes, I just put several holes in your game. Fuck y'all. You make it hard on those of us that are faithful. And I'm tired of dealing with the shit you put people through when I'm the most faithful mutha fucka around. I'm real tired of you thinking you got game and can pull the wool over our eyes. Fuck that. I got that ass always. The fuckery you bring can't compare to the master of mind fucks. And these are just a few ways, nowhere near all, that I catch this type of fuckery going on. If you've been cheated on, step your game up to keep on top of that shit as it happens. Trust me, by the time you gather the evidence, you will have already let your heart break and begun piecing it back together, so when you kick that hoe to the curb, it won't hurt so much.