If there is one thing I hate, it's anyone, male or female, who talks a whole lot of shit and can't back it up. I mean this in a sexual and non-sexual way. Let's go through this.
Internet thugs: These amuse the ever living shit out of me. The keyboard warriors. They can talk all the shit in the world but can't back it up. I have an ex, for example, who, upon our final argument, told me it was like that when he saw me in the streets. This was said on Facebook of course, on his wall, which was public, after we had a very public argument (I had a nigga moment. he's one of the few who bring that out in me). Now, a week later, I see him on the metrolink (public transit for those not from the area, kinda like a subway). What does he do as I approach? The bitch runs for his life. Seriously, he made a serious dash for the exit.
Sexual stuff:
Quotes from guys: "I got a big dick and know how to use it."
Pause pause pause for the mutha fuckin cause. First off, don't quote a fucking song at me to describe your dick game. Second, what is your definition of big? Who told you it was big? Oh, you say you're ten inches? No, nigga, you're 5 and a half. Don't double your dick size. Ruler or tape measure, use it before trying to tell someone how big you are. Because people like me and the women I know will shatter your fucking feelings and not give an iota of a fuck. And then, just to be an ass, we will tell everyone just how little it was.
Oh, but it's really that size? Great......until we discover you don't know how the blue fuck to use it. Let me give you a little anatomy lesson. The spot for both sexes is about two inches in. For women, it's the clit. For men, it's the prostate. Learn how the fuck to find it and work it. It's not fucking rocket science. Seriously. If one bitch or one nigga shows you where it is, it is in the exact same spot on every other broad or dude you fuck with.
"I wanna long dick you down."
Pause again. Bitch, didn't I just cover this? First off, how do you long dick anyone and your dick like four inches (yeah I took an inch off just for the fucking insult)? Second, you just barely figured out how to move your hips. That's not long dicking anyone down. It's boring the fuck out of us.
"I'm gon fuck you all night long."
Please inform us of your definition of all night long. Because the night last from dusk til dawn, mutha fucka, and you couldn't even last twenty minutes.
"I'm gonna make you cum (insert number) times." or "I'll make you cum til you can't cum no more" or "I'll make you cum til you beg me to stop."
Actually, I need you to stop deluding yourself. You couldn't get a broad or another dude to bust a nut if your life depended on it. Your dick game is wack, you can't eat the pussy and/or suck the dick. What the actual fucking good are you?
Quotes from women (and by the way, I questioned the intelligence of the women I heard some of these from)
"I got that wet-wet."
pause. First, bitch, why are we using this as a line? secondly, define wet. Because to me you felt dryer than the mutha fuckin sahara and i was scared i'd start a mutha fuckin fire
"I got the tightest pussy."
The fact that I've heard this line makes me cringe. And bitch, it's not tight when you have no walls.
"I got the baddest pussy in the game."
Again, bitch you got no walls. You let way too many dicks of varying shapes and sizes run through that. You know it's fucked up if a dude has to ask you is it in yet.
"I can take it however you give it to me."
But when I start to go all out, you begging e to stop? Bitch make up your mind. Do you want to get fucked all the way down or do you just want me to put it in and lay there til i fall the fuck asleep from boredom. If you can't take the dick, don't act like you can. I don't want some bitch that flinches with every stroke. And in this case
Point is, we've all had men or women that talk a real good game (at least in their head) but can't back that shit up. It irks my soul. Especially with sex. Do not talk shit and be unable to back that shit up. You can't take dick, then you need to bat for the other team. Or stick to toys you can take. Dudes, if you rarely have sex, shut the fuck up. Seriously, shut the fuck up. If you've only had sex twice in your miserable fucking life, or if you only had sex with one bitch, shut the fuck up. You don't know shit. No one appreciates you talking shit when you never bothered to actually learn what to do. It takes more than putting a dick in a hole to make it good. Size don't mean shit if you don't know how to use it. If you ain't swingin then put your tongue in it. Put your mouth on it. Use your finger. Seriously, find a way to make sure your partner gets theirs.
And to my keyboard warriors, I come from the Show me state and try me city, mutha fucka. Read between the lines
Internet tough guys are full of laughter. I like the ones who post on forums or Facebook pages they don't like talking about come to them and when someone from their town posts, they get quiet or block you.
ReplyDeleteNow, as for the sex ones, I laugh my ass off at the people who say they have no limits and when you make the freakiest of requests, they give you that look like, "WTF?" Bitch, you said you had no limits and that you're down for absolutely, literally anything.
Okay...I gotta weigh in on this.
ReplyDeleteAs far as fake ass people who talk themselves up and can't back it up (non-sexual): Shut up. The only reason you're talking a big game is to make yourself seem tough, but if someone was to call your bluff....it would be YouTube-worthy. And that shit would go VIRAL. So, I figure it this way, put up or shut up. If you keep advertising how big and bad you are, someone is going to want to test that theory, and you will be shown otherwise. It's much better not to show your hand. Don't open your mouth, just let them find out when they're eating that knuckle sandwich.
(sexually) OMG!!!!!!!! Similar to what I said about fake tough-guys...SHUT UP!!!!! Let the other person decide for themselves how to rate you. If you tell them what you're gonna do to them and hype it all up, and then it ain't up to standards?!?!?! They're gonna be PISSED. I would be.
And let's just talk about toys real quick....you ever see some of them damn things?? Yeah, they got all kinds of stuff sticking out, vibrations, rotations, pulsations... You're just ramming it in and out. BORING!!!!! Mix it up. Find some new trick.
Bottom line, don't say anything. Just put it on them, let them decide. You know what they say about those that don't talk: It's always the quiet ones you gotta worry about....